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Sunday, May 10, 2015 - 13:34

We pick up exactly where the previous episode left us, with Ser Jorah bundling a captive Tyrion into a boat.

Cut quickly to another boat. This one containing Jaime and Bronn. Jaime has a brief, whistful moment as they pass the kingdom of Tarth and he remembers his carefree days of frolicking in the woods with Lady Brienne. Bronn is tactful as always as he asks Jaime to pass on his regards to Tyrion next time he sees him, Jaime's response does not bode well for Tyrion's longevity.

Back in King's Landing and it's not looking good as The Iron Bank of Braavos is asking very nicely for it's money back. Cersei uses this as a way of trying to destabilise Margeary by sending her dad off to ask for better terms on the repayments. I know I say this pretty much every week, but, this can't end well. The other benefit of this, of course, is that it removes the Tyrell voice from the small coucil.

Cersei meets again with the High Sparrow, now High Septum, to outline her plans...

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Sunday, May 10, 2015 - 12:21

And so, the 'Wax on, Wax off' begins: Arya learns how to sweep a floor.

Dear lord. Not another wedding. Hopefully it's third time lucky for Margaery as she and Tommen tie the knot. The prophecy from episode one starts to unfold as Margaery tries to package Cersei off to Casterley Rock through a not so subtle manipulation of Tommen.

Hello Theon. We've not seen you for a while. It seems he's still Reeking about in Winterfell with the Boltons, Ramsay is still skinning people and his dad is still plotting. It appears the plan is for Sansa to marry Ramsay rather than Cap'n Littlefinger (yarrr). I think that makes it third time lucky for Sansa then too.

The Brienne and Podrick show kicks up a notch as Brienne seems to be finally warming to her squire, telling him stories and promising to train him in how to become a knight.

Jon finally gets around to refusing Stannis' offer and plans what to do with the Knight's Watch now that he is Lord Commander. An...

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Monday, April 20, 2015 - 22:45

From what I've been led to believe, this is where Arya's story starts to get very interesting. She arrives in Braavos full of hope in search of the Changy Face Man from season 1 whose name I appear to have temporarily misplaced. Now, watching this next scene, I was struggling to place something else I'd seen fairly recently that involved a girl going up to a temple for training and sitting on the doorstep until they agreed to take her in. I couldn't for the life of me remember what what it was until Emma dragged it out from the back of her subconscious. If you haven't yet watched the recent reboot of ThunderCats then I highly recommend you do so. In a flashback during episode 12 you will see a young Cheetara trying to gain entry to the temple of the Clerics. I'm fairly sure one of them must have influenced the other, whether it was the books influencing the cartoon, or the cartoon influencing the show. The similarities are uncanny. 

...

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Thursday, April 16, 2015 - 14:10

Welcome back one and all to the wonderful world of Westeros where I'm sure we're in for yet another season of the uplifting, light-hearted enterainment that we've come to associate with this fine show.

We kick off this year's sunny season opener with something slightly new. A flashback no less. We get a look back at a younger version of Cersei skipping merrily through the forest with one of her little friends. The reason for this little excursion soon becomes apparent as the plucky young Cersei tracks down the mad, scary witch lady who lives in the woods. Apparently she wants to know her future, and recieves what turns out to be a particularly accurate divination of what's in store for her in the years to come. Including a warning of one younger and prettier who will take everything she holds dear. So, I'm imagining that the Margaery and Cersei plotline is going to be pretty key this year.

The prospect of flashbacks is rather exciting. It opens up the possibility for...

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Friday, June 20, 2014 - 09:49

Wow, so... That season went by pretty fast then. Before we begin the long, harsh winter before the arrival of Season 5 let's take a look at this year's finalé episode, The Children.

Picking up immediately where we left off last episode, we follow Jon Snow leaving The Wall on his way to to deal with Mance Rayder. It all seems remarkably civilised given recent events and I can't help but wonder what the Proper Northern Drink was with which they toasted they dead. Snakebite and Black? Maybe a BlastAway? Or a bottle of Dog perhaps? Regardless it all suddenly goes to shit as a massive army appears out of nowhere and trounces the wildlings. I've got absolutely no clue how they got there, but it seems to be Stannis and The Onion Knight fresh from their recent trip to the Iron Bank. I can only imagine that they bought some kind of teleportation device with the money to have gotten there so quickly when every other journey on the show takes months to travel even the smallest of...

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Monday, June 9, 2014 - 20:47

Hello, good evening and welcome to tonight's Axe Factor final 2014.

It's been a tough competition so far but tonight we're going to see the final showdown between three of Westeros' biggest bands. Audience favourites, Jon Snow and The Night's Watch have been wowing us all season with their capacity for self delusion, over indulgence and general buffoonery. Ygritte and the Wildlings, very popular amongst the more rural types, have been warming up for tonight with bouts of raping, pillaging and sacking across the lands south of the wall. Then we have tonight's surprise finalists, Mance Rayder and the Woolly Mammoths, who came seemingly out of nowhere and stole not only our hearts, but also our lungs, our livers and quite possibly our spleens.

First up tonight we have a lovely little ditty from Ygritte and the Wildlings in the form of 'I know you didn't fuck that bear' performed flawlessly around a blazing campfire. A wonderful opening gambit which serves to whet our...

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Tuesday, June 3, 2014 - 22:52

Wow... That was... Yeah.... Before we get onto exactly what that was, let's deal with the rest of what is surely a pivotal episode, certainly in terms of ongoing plot and personal character developement.

Firstly, the Wildlings Strike Again. This time, Ygritte's merry band of rapists and murderers take out the brothel near Castle Black and all it's inhabitants and punters save for Gilly and her baby. Gilly is either one of the luckiest or unluckiest characters in the show with everything that's happened to her since we first laid eyes on her and I'm still not settled on which category she belongs to. Jon Snow and the Night's Watch get all wound up about the massacre and decide what they are going to do about it: precisely fuck all, opting instead to sit around in relative safety and drink wine.

A brief conversation about the fate of Grey Worm's little worm...

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Tuesday, May 20, 2014 - 08:44

We kick off this week with another wonderful back and forth between Tyrion and Jaime. Somehow I get the feeling that these two had immense fun recording all these prison scenes as Tyrion, despite his precarious position, lists all the things Jaime has managed to get up to over the last few years and is still somehow the best boy. Jaime takes himself out of the running as Tyrion's champion and promises to go and get Bronn after dropping the bombshell that Cersei has named The Mountain as her champion.

There's a nice few shots of The Mountain making offal out some some prisoners/slaves. I'm not really sure what they are, but they aren't around long enough to discover why he's chopping them into little bits. At this point we really want The Hound to come back and face The Mountain as Tyrion's champion, but he's still off with Arya in the wilderness somewhere. Precisely where I'm still not entirely sure of either, there seems to be a lot of looting and pillaging going on in the...

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Tuesday, May 13, 2014 - 12:25

Well then. So this week we finally get to lay eyes on the much talked about Iron Bank of Braavos. It's really not that far removed from my vision of a Gringotts-esque operation after all. Although rather than Warwick Davies being in charge, we seem to have a rather beardy Mark Gatiss. Stannis and Ser Davos manage to persuade the bearded banker that they should get all the money instead of Tywin Lannister and Tommen based on the fact that the Onion Knight chopped off his own fingers. Next week, Jaime will be trading in his missing hand for a new suit of armour and a shiny belt.

Speaking of having things chopped off we're back with what's left of Theon! His sister mounts a rescue attemps but to no avail and, during the battle, we get to see exactly how hard Ramsay Snow is as he partakes in a nice bout of post coital stabbing without even bothering to get dressed properly. Reek then gets his birthday bath as Ramsay plots to send him under cover as .... Himself.

It would...

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Monday, May 5, 2014 - 17:14

This week's episode seemed again to be more filler than killer. Although there certainly was a fair amount of killing towards the end.

We begin with the coronation of King Tommen the 'how long will this one last' and at this point I'm finding the phrase 'Long may he reign' to be more of an earnest plea to the gods from the Lanister's point of view rather than a celebration of their king. Margaery is still sniffing around and has a bit of a chat with Cersei about the forthcoming nuptuals and how much of a little prick Joffrey actually was. Athough I do think Margaery is pushing it a bit with her jibes about mother and sister. I fear she may well end up with a sword through the neck before long if this continues.

Daenerys finally hears about Joffrey's demise through the jungle vine and briefly considers actually getting on with what she should be doing in terms of attacking Kings Landing before forgetting all about it and turns back to re-overthrowing the cities that...

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